Free Quick Jokes

Thousands of free jokes and funny pictures.
Here are 20 of the best of the quick jokes & one liners from my site.
http://www.myfreejokes.co.uk/quick-jokes-one-liners-home.html

Free Quick Joke 1

Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.

Free Quick Joke 2

Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.

Free Quick Joke 3

Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.

Free Quick Joke 4

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.

Free Quick Joke 5

Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick

Free Quick Joke 6

Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Free Quick Joke 7

Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Free Quick Joke 8

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Free Quick Joke 9

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Free Quick Joke 10

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Free Quick Joke 11

Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Free Quick Joke 12

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)

Free Quick Joke 13

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.

Free Quick Joke 14

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no fucking eye deer.

Free Quick Joke 15

Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

Free Quick Joke 16

Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!

Free Quick Joke 17

Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

Free Quick Joke 18

Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

Free Quick Joke 19

Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!

Free Quick Joke 20

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Little Johnny Jokes

Hundreds of free Little Johnny Jokes. website full of thousands of free jokes and funny pitures
http://www.myfreejokes.co.uk/little-jonny-jokes-home.html


A couple of the free Little Johnny Jokes from the site.

LITTLE JOHNNY GETS ON MY NERVES JOKE

Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school. One dayhe stepped up to the teacher's desk, and announced, "I don't want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don't get better grades... somebody is gonna get a spanking."

Little Johnny plays safe joke

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends,
"It's okay, we can play that game again!"

LITTLE JOHNNY EYES CREAM JOKES

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face."Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he
asked.
"To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with
a tissue.
"What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Little Johnny on anatomy joke

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from." Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."
"Why?" one asked.
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd".

LITTLE JOHNNY DIGS A HOLE joke

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.The next-door neighbour spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbour.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

LITTLE JOHNNY CAN'T SPELL JOKE

Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

LITTLE JOHNNY CAN'T SPELL JOKE

Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

Great Free Irish Joke

If you love Irish jokes then here are a few of the best from my website full of the greatest free jokes and funny pictures
http://www.myfreejokes.co.uk/irish-jokes-free-home.html

Free Paddy in the bog Joke

paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. "Help!" Barty shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!"
Don't worry," assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there."
Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail.
After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help."
As Mick was leaving, Barty called "Mick! Mick!
D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?

Free Irish man in a bar joke.

Paddy walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what Paddy had done. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives

Guess what this is .. Yup a free Irish joke.

Mick and Paddy were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground.
Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy "Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied "No Sean was taller than that"

Irish joke 1

What did the Irishman call his pet zebra?

Spot.

Irish joke 2

Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?

To be sure, to be sure.

Irish joke 3

How do you sink an Irish submarine?

Knock on the hatch.

Irish joke 4

How do you get an Irishman on the roof?

Tell him drinks are on the house.

Irish joke 5

Two Irishmen are sitting on the ground.

One falls off.

Irish joke 6

How do you stop an Irish tank?

Kill the blokes pushing it.

Irish joke 7

What happened to the Irish terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

Irish joke 8

How do you get a one-armed Irishman out of a tree?

Wave.

Irish joke 9 

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin

Irish joke 10

Free Irish Jokes with Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson walks into an Irish pub.
He shouts I am mike Tyson i have 26 million pounds and i only sleep with white women
Paddy walks up to him and whispers in his ear.
Mike punches him and knocks him out.
When paddy comes round his mates ask him what he's said and paddy replied.
Yeah if i had 26 pounds i wouldn't fuck niggers either.

Irish joke 11

funny free Irish joke

Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery's waiting room.

"I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I'd hate to feel like this if I was well!"

More free Irish joke 12

PADDY... "If you can guess how many chickens I have in my bag, you can have both of them." "Three?"... Suggested Shaun.

Another of the greatest free Irish Jokes.

Paddy went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Paddy, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off.

He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

funny free Murphy dead Irish joke

Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects. "He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good." "And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness. "That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn't know he's dead yet, but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!"

Another free Irish joke

"Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?" "And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.

Free Irish Murphy joke,

Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble. "Is that you Murphy?" called his wife. "Byjasis! It damned well better be!"

10 of the best chav jokes

want free chav jokes. visit my website we have thousand of free jokes and funny pictures.
http://www.myfreejokes.co.uk/chav-jokes-home.html

Chav Joke 1

Why did the chav cross the road?To start on the chicken for no apparent reason

Chav Joke 2
Two chavs jump off a building who lands first?
Who even cares?

Chav Joke 3

What does a chav get for christmas?Your bike

Chav Joke 4
What day of the year does a chav find most confusing?
Fathers day

Chav Joke 5
Whats the difference between a dead chav and a ferrari?
I dont have a ferrari in my garage

Chav Joke 6
What do you do if you run over a chav?
Reverse just to make sure he is dead

Chav Joke 7
What do you call a Chav at college?
The cleaner

Chav Joke 8
How do chavs knock on a door?
They Bang it

Chav Joke 9
What do you do if you shoot a chav?
Reload.

Chav Joke 10
Whats the difference between an onion and a dying chav?
Onions make you cry

Chav Joke 11
What’s the difference between a battery and a chav?
A battery has a positive side

Chav Joke 12
How does a chav girl turn the lights off after sex?
She closes the car door.

Free Blonde Joke

Here are 10 of the best free blonde joke from my website
http://www.myfreejokes.co.uk/dumb-blonde-jokes-free-home.html

Dumb Blonde on a rope joke

There were five dumb blondes and one brunette holding onto a rope off the edge of a cliff.

But their rope could only bear the weight of of five people.

The brunette said Save yourselves. I'll let go.

Impressed by her sacrifice, all of the blondes clapped

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?A: Tell her joke on Wednesday.

Q: What's a blonde and a postage stamp got in common.
A: Lick Em, Stick Em, Send Em

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been on the computer?
A: There is tipex on the screen.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an college for higher      learning?A: A visitor.

Two blondes are talking, “Did you know that Christmas will be on Friday this year?”
Oh hell, not Friday the 13th I hope

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Just put her in front of a mirror and have her play "Stone, paper, scissors."
Q: When is it okay to shoot a blond in the head?

A: When you have a tire pump nearby to re inflate it.